after the two weeks break and the result released,

yea, is the same feelings again [ NOTHING ] [ SO WHAT ]

what so nice about holiday ? what so wonderful about getting 4.0 ?

well, i can tell you, is just NOTHING !

expecting the joys from the people that i ranked as most important in my life,

but i get no response !

is a bloomer for me to baseline myself in this particular situation,

is too childish for me to repose my confidence and hope in someone/something,

started to denigrate my attitudes- the willing to conquer, to revenge, to affinity, to confront the loneliness, to satisfy the desires,

after all, i am still far apart from the arrowhead and perfectionism,

i will actuate myself from boondoggle every minute.

考试，真的令人很累，过了一星期的考试，吃不好，睡不着的日子，

感觉真得很累，昨晚，终于睡的着，感觉好舒服，过了这个拜五，我又可以统一天下了 ！

当你觉得考试无奈没有动力的时候，是谁在旁鼓励你？是什么目标在推动你？

我啊，很幸福，有人在旁支持，有个下个礼拜的旅行在等我，有妈妈的每通电话，所以才坚持下去，

所以嘛，考得好不是我一个人的功劳，是大家 =〉 考得不好，就要打屁股了，

每次考试都很压力，就算在考场，都忍不住那个压迫感，好想快点出去，

像现在，我又没有心情读书了，觉得好闷~

都不知道读了几遍？还是那么陌生，为什么我那么容易忘记？

八月十七日，什么日子呢？
是世界第一与世界第二的世界之战！
五十二年以来，马来西亚人民奢望的，
阔别十二年后，大家再次希望的，
我，两天前至今期待的，
大马首枚奥运金牌！

八点多，我已经坐在沙发上等待着比赛的开始，
好不容易在等到哪像DIGI黄人的广播员把节目带到现场，
看着气势汹汹的林丹配合这现场99.99% 的支持者，
以及大马身高差七公分，体重差十公斤的“一哥”出场，
可以说，出场就输了=P

比赛开始，林丹一路领先，宗伟好像还没睡醒，
我以为，分数的差距只是热身的状态不好，
怎知，越看越不对劲，
分数越差越远，我姐说：现在只能希望他不要输得太惨！
无论速度，气势，斗志，林丹好想控制了整个局势，
可怜的宗伟，被他耍的左跌右摔，气喘如牛，
就这样，第一盘输掉了 T.T

别气馁，全马继续把“金牌”任务寄托在宗伟身上，
怎知，第二场开盘，竟然就六比零落后，
难道连破个蛋也那么难？
林丹，好残忍，继续把宗伟耍得团团转，
看来，没希望了，就连宗伟自己都摇头，
就在几分钟后，林丹夺得了世界唯一还没得过的奖牌，
他，哭了，还要忙抱抱教练，观众敬礼，安慰宗伟，丢丢球拍，最后鞋子也不要了（=.=）
宗伟，苦笑了，很潇洒的向林丹抱抱，
三十万与一百万，他，做出了选择，可以说是没得选，
上台领取银牌的他，没笑也没哭，看了好欣慰。

大家都问，他怎么了？
我说啊，
两千七百万人的支持，始终不敌十一亿人的魄力！
他，已经尽力了，很累了，
快回来大马让大家sayang sayang吧！
银牌没什么不好，谁说不好？
没人怪你，你可是大马为一闯入决赛的男单，
历史上以为你加了分，
26岁，还可以，继续加油！

how good if i am deaf, so that i won’t get to listen those words,
how good if i am blind, so that i won’t get to see the things that i don’t like,
how good if i am mute, so that i won’t kpc to persuade and urge,
how good if i am handicapped, so that i won’t keep thinking sms-ing you,
how good if i am a guy, so that i won’t sad for guys,
how good if i am senseless, so that i won’t feel the hurt, the pain,
how good if i am rich, so that i can use money to buy back my happiness,
how good if i am cruel, so that i can kill the one i hate,
how good if i am pretty, so that i can attract guys and girls to be with me,
how good if i am smart, so that i can overcome all these,
how good if i am died, so that i’m not in love.

是不是礼拜天的晚上注定要流泪，
读书的日子注定要为别人那么累，
说出伤人的话怎么可以那么干脆，
比剪刀菜刀甚至巴冷刀还要尖锐，
要我活得开心点我真的还是不会，
为什么自己的命运没有别人高贵，
躲在床底下的日子好像只笨乌龟，
事情始终不能解决就算我往下跪，
我不想知道所有所谓的是非是对，
做牛做马做狗他还是认为我不配，
想要好好休息的夜晚却不能入睡，
好想再来杯啤酒烈酒把自己灌醉。

事情继续恶化，都说了，我不想回来，
已经开学四个礼拜了，我，什么都没做，
什么都不想做，应该说，我根本没力气去做，
落后了那么多，已经到了我完全不能操纵的地步，
我更加失去了那奋斗志。

天天到了学校，我都觉得周围的人好假，
很不想去沟通，更不想知道所有的不知道，
我，我只想做个有责任感的孩子。

很多人会说，
我把世界看得太狭窄了，
对于很多事情的执著不应该，
现在的我，开始犹豫自己的执著，
我没有方向，没有力量，没有希望，
只剩下所有的遗憾。

每个拜一到拜四，我只期待拜五的到来，
每个拜五到礼拜，我只希望拜一别到来。

觉得自己好像一条狗，
鲁莽了闯入世界，
任人摆布，给我脸色，
很难想象，我也是有妈生的，
开心时，就会逗逗我，陪陪我玩，
不开心时，就得任人挨骂，
流浪狗啊，流浪狗，
别埋怨这么多，
乖乖向人讨吃去吧。

in the minute i received the message
i just like a mad dog screaming on bed
without hesitated the interferences that caused to others
i tried to calm myself down, reread the message carefully
oh god, i was not wrong, it’s really meant so
i took a quick glance on my room
it was so dark that i couldn’t see anything
i grabbed a scissors pointed to my forearm
it was too thorn that i couldn’t do anything
i tried to find a friend to talk
only then i realized that "i got no friend"
how poor am i to be said
in that moment
what my brain flowed was my mum and dad
i miss them very much
feel to go back
but i know, is not a good situation went back like this
so i decided to wait the day after tonight
if only i can

This body, this thought, this feeling where do they
all go, none of this will last forever. I’ve heard about loving someone
forever, I’ve heard about leaving or losing someone important and never
looking back and I have heard about reincarnation and meeting in
another life.

But come on let’s get real. When love has gone.
It’s over baby. Kaput, finite, done. So why all the questioning. It’s
simple. You had a feeling, it was good, real good, now nada. But
when you had love, your loins fed a flame that raged.

The maypole offers up its colored ribbons in a
rainbow of life but they are snatched by the waiting wind. They spiral
skyward, their red, blue, violet, orange, aqua, yellow, and green
streamers becoming colorful sunsets. Maybe that’s where love is hiding.

Religion cannot answer this question. Listen, you
priests, pastors, mullahs or witchdoctors, you can’t tell me that your
dream is my dream. Listen you false prophets and pathetic soothsayers,
you can’t prey upon my fears. Listen my friends who mean well but speak
in tongues you can’t provide answers.

It is my retching, reeling gut that must grind and
grate upon the memories so that they will obfuscate the feelings, the
cravings, becoming bearable to a heart that boils and bleeds with
tomorrow’s promises.

Yes, when I think about where does love go, I
can’t quite figure it out. It’s there. It’s wonderful. It’s powerful.
And then it’s gone, not even to be found by an African lion tracker.

Now I am on the lookout for a new love. This hole
in my life is like what I felt when I was a child. The missing mommy,
the unfeeling dad. Once again, the lack of love makes me think; did it
ever exist; will it ever be mine again?

Bats! Caverns! Existence!  Bats in the Belfry, Caverns of the Mind. I exist because I am.

The days of love will not be over simply because I do not know where love has gone.

Yes, as long as there is a body and a mind there will be the question and a possibility.